love and loss

I wrote a few weeks ago about facing something difficult.  I've debated whether or not to write about it.  I've been praying about it too.  By faith, I know I have the freedom to either deal privately with it, or share it all with you.  I've decided to open up this part of my life.  I tend to share mostly the happy, pretty things on this blog because I want to remember those moments.  But, I think sometimes it is good to share the darker and more difficult things in life as well.  Jesus promises us that there will be suffering.  It should come as no surprise to me.  I have recognized a desire in me to flee from suffering and avoid it.  That is, until I have to deal with it head on.  

My family and I have experienced so much joy and heartache in the past few months.  We have sold a home and purchased a home.  Even bigger news though, is that we found out we were expecting our second child.  From the day we found out the good news we prayed for that child, planned for that child, and dreamt of that child.  And then, a week later we lost that child.  I was heartbroken.  And even in the midst of these painful circumstances, God was there.  He was there the moment I found out at the doctor's office and he surrounded me with the loving arms of my mother in law.  He gave me joy that afternoon in the sight of my son smiling from his crib as I went to get him from his nap.  But most of all, He's been there to give me comfort and hope from His Word.  And these are the promises I have been clinging to in the weeks that followed...

For a reminder that the Lord is good, always...

"The Lord is good to all, and his mercy is over all that he has made."

-Psalm 145:9

"And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose."

-Romans 8:28

For when I need to turn my eyes away from myself, and my situation, and fix my eyes on Jesus...

"Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ!  According to his great mercy, he has caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, to an inheritance that is imperishable, undefiled, and unfading, kept in heaven for you, who by God's power are being guarded through faith for a salvation ready to be revealed in the last time.  In this you rejoice, though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been grieved by various trials, so that the tested genuineness of your faith- more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire- may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ."

-1 Peter 1:3-7

For when I am fearful of facing more trials...

"Have I not commanded you?  Be strong and courageous.  Do not be frightened and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go."

-Joshua 1:9

As my husband and I have felt deep sadness over the loss of our little one, it has also made our hearts ache even more for what is to come in heaven.  To be in the full presence of Jesus, where there is no more suffering or brokenness.  Where everything is restored and right.  I want to be there.

"For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us.  For the creation waits with eager longings for the revealing of the sons of God.  For the creation was subjected to futility, not willingly, but because of him who subjected it, in hope that the creation itself will be set free form its bondage to corruption and obtain the freedom of the glory of the children of God.  For we know that the whole creation has been groaning together in the pains of childbirth until now.  And not only the creation, but we ourselves, as sons, the redemption of our bodies.  For in this hope we were saved.  Now hope that is seen is not hope.  For who hopes for what he sees?  But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience."

-Romans 8:18-25

As Jesus promises suffering, he also promises hope.  I rest in the one who has overcome the world by the blood of the cross. 

"In the world you will have tribulation.  But take heart; I have overcome the world."

John 16:33b

"For while we were still weak, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly.  For one will scarcely die for a righteous person- though perhaps for a good person one would dare even to die- but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us."

-Romans 5:6-7

sometimes sorrowful, yet always rejoicing,

Jen


  

Whole 30 Half Completed

I write to you from the comfort of my living room.  Feet up.  Deep breath in.  It's been a little busy this morning.  All good things of course.  Earnest decided he wanted to get up and stay up at 6am.  So, we've been busy with the babe, making quiches, doing dishes (our dishwasher has been broken for two weeks), grocery shopping, going to bridal/baby showers, and doing more dishes.  Ernie will probably be waking up from his nap soon but I thought I'd attempt to fill you in on life lately.

We have officially completed 2 weeks of the Whole 30 (woohoo!).

Here are some positives:

1. We feel good.  Not only have we been eating healthier, but we've been going to sleep earlier.  Also, Ernie has been sleeping better which means we've all been sleeping better :) (not sure if there is a correlation between Ernie's sleep and my new eating habits?).
2. We have had fun new dates!  Our dates have not included dinner out, so we've had to be creative.  My latest favorite date?  Coconut milk smoothies and the first season of Downton Abbey. Both were SO GOOD!  
3. Josh has been coming home for lunch on most days.  It's been working out to have Josh come home for lunch instead of me packing his lunch.  It's been nice for Ernie and me to see him in the middle of the day.  He sure can brighten the rest of our afternoon!

Now, those are the positives.  There have been some challenges too.  Cravings still come and go.  Today and yesterday were good days for me.  I even resisted delicious looking caramel rolls at the shower today (and the candy dish :) ).  Other days though, I will crave a good piece of bread or a side of rice to accompany dinner.  Josh does too.  I've heard these cravings subside...we'll see :).  For the most part though, we've been quite pleased with meals.  

Another thing, this might sound strange, but I think this meal plan has helped with discipline in other areas of my life, especially Bible reading.  I've had a hard time in this season of life to consistently be reading and spending time in God's word.  But, as of late, God's been helping me to see how important His word is, and how much I need it.  I've been listening to audio scripture as I do the dishes.  I've been studying Hebrews and commentaries for a little bit of Ernie's naps.  I think I just feel plain needy and thirsty for Him.  It feels good to drink it all in again.

I hope to be back later this weekend 

to post a few recipes we've enjoyed.  

Until then, have a great Saturday!  

making it meaningful

Ernie Boy went down for a nap a little while ago.  I'm enjoying my cup of coffee with a coconut milk concoction (cream substitute) that a friend gave me.  It's very good.  Well, here we are, over one week into the whole 30.  Today, I'm doing well.  Today, I haven't even craved bread, or sugar, or chocolate.  Yesterday was a good day too!   

I want to start by telling you a few tidbits about the whole 30.  We are not on a "diet".  At least in the way I think of "diet".  We did not decide to do this to lose weight.  We are able to eat as much food as we want and we have more than enough.  We are getting all of our vitamins and nutrients from vegetables, protein, and fruit.  Did you know that you can get your daily value of calcium in vegetables like kale, broccoli, peas, orange juice, and coconut milk?  I don't even have to take my prenatal vitamin during the whole 30 because I'm getting all the vitamins I need from what I eat.  I thought that was pretty neat.  Another thing, we aren't doing this forever.  It's just 30 days to jumpstart a healthier lifestyle.  We will re-introduce grains and dairy slowly after the whole 30.  We are hoping to not use as much grains and dairy after this.  Also, in case you were wondering why we are even doing this.  

Here's a few reasons: 

1. I wanted to learn how to cook healthier meals with vegetables being more central.  I thought that this 30 day challenge would be a great start to that because I have to be creative and learn how to cook and prepare veggies in new ways for each meal!  It's worked so far :).  

2. I wanted to get my sugar cravings under control and Josh wanted to support me.  I seriously have the best husband.  He is such a good guy for not only encouraging me to kick the sweets, he's right beside me, battling with me.  He's awesome!

3. We heard from friends that the Whole 30 gives you more energy throughout the day.  As tired parents, that sounded pretty good. We will try anything :).

Now, let me tell you a little about our week.  It started off great.  We had all of this motivation and excitement to try new meals and cook with fresh ingredients; we were all in!  After about three days of eating TONS of vegetables though, we started to long for a piece of bread, or a donut, or SOMETHING sweet.  Here's a funny text I got from my husband...

He's always making me laugh!  But seriously, sometimes the cravings really hit you.  For example, going to the grocery store and passing by the bakery.  Oh goodness, the smells and sights of those scrumptious treats were almost too much for us.  We had to walk faster and not look back.  Haha!  And we may or may not have considered doing the "whole8"...until I read on the website of whole30 that the first week (or two) are actually the hardest and that this whole thing does get easier.  So, we decided to continue along. 

We also noticed how often we were thinking of food, specifically sugar and grains.  Instead of wasting thoughts on foods we "can't have" right now, we decided to make it meaningful.  We are committing these next weeks of whole 30 to the Lord.  When we crave something, we want to turn to Him and ask for His help.  We want to fully believe that He is better and more satisfying than a piece of chocolate.  We want to dwell on His Word and His promises.  We want to glorify Him in our eating and drinking (1 Corinthians 10:31).  

You know what?  Yesterday, was better.  Not only was it refreshing to realize the whole 30 as a means of becoming closer to God; it actually was easier yesterday.  Yesterday was the first day I did not crave bread.  I was completely satisfied with our breakfast: 2 eggs, sausage, and an almond flour biscuit with preserves, lunch: tuna salad with homemade mayo, sugar snap peas, carrots, melon, mango, and homemade guacamole, and dinner: steak, pepper, onion, and mushroom kabobs with melon.  

Here's a picture of lunch:

I enjoyed all of our meals fully.  I was thankful to God for our food and didn't need any more.  Today is a new day and I'm trusting God to reveal more of Himself to me through this.

Do you crave salty or sweet foods more?  How do you combat cravings?

P.S. I had an engagement photo session yesterday.  The last part of the shoot was in an ice cream parlor.  The smell of creamy goodness filled the place.  And, they had samples.  I politely refused though :).  Whew, that was a tough one.  

for children

I am so thankful for the children in my life!

It is the last day of November and the last day of the "Heart of Thanks" challenge.  

Thanks for following along friends!

special surprises

Earnest rolled for the first time from tummy to back on November 5th.

Here's a little look at that experience:  

I love the ways he surprises me each day with all of the new things he is able to do!  

Lately he's been working at rolling over from his back to tummy :).

Thanks God for special surprises.

even the difficult days

We all have difficult days, or nights in my case.  I've been challenged this past week to be grateful even after sleepless nights.  I think Ernie is teething or hitting a growth spurt; he gets up several times a night (reminds me of when he was a newborn!).  Last night was one of those nights.  What added an extra challenge was the fact that I had a friend that was planning on meeting me at the YWCA at 6am this morning.  I went believe it or not.  As I drove to the Y all I could think about was how tired I was and how much longer I could keep this up.  It's about that time that I realized I needed God's help; to get through the workout, to get through the day, to get through this sweet but tiring season of life.  It felt good to call on a God who cares.  Now, when I got to the gym I honestly contemplated napping for an hour in the locker room instead of working out :).  Sanity won though and I hit the stairmaster.  

"cast all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you"

1 Peter 5:7

How are you thankful after a hard day?

combined thankfulness

The long weekend is coming to a close.  

The laundry is tumbling in the dryer, 

the boy is asleep, 

and the husband is reading beside me.  

Such a good weekend.  Such a good God. 

God, you are so, so good.  

Thank you for your new mercies and grace each day.  

Thank you for your steadfast love.  

Thank you for being for me and not against me. 

"Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good, for his steadfast love endures forever."

-Psalm 136:1

each hour

I am so thankful for an extended weekend with family.  

I'm thankful for the leftover turkey sandwiches and assortment of pies.  

Thankful for late night shopping with the girls 

and the wonderful husband who watched Ernie while I was out.

Thankful for homemade sweet potato fries and burgers for dinner.

Thankful for an early bedtime for the little one.

Thankful for a relaxing evening of sweatpants and a movie.

But most of all I'm thankful for the 

grace, love, and hope of Jesus Christ filling each hour of each day. 

thanksgiving grace

It was exactly one year ago today that we told our parents that we were expecting!  

You can read more about it here.

  

I'm thankful for the ways God has shown me grace upon grace.

"And from his fullness we have all received, grace upon grace."

-John 1:16

Happy Thanksgiving Friends!

His Power

"He is the radiance of the glory of God 
and the exact imprint of his nature, 
and he upholds the universe by the word of his power."

Hebrews 1:3a

the little things

*For the entire "Heart of Thanks" challenge go here.

refuge

{source}

Thank you God for being my refuge and strength.  

Thank you for helping me in times of need.  

Thank you for fighting for me always.
I am only safe in you.

rest

I am thankful for Sundays, aren't you?

Time to sit and drink coffee with my husband.

Time for afternoon naps.

Time to quiet my heart and hands.

Time to reflect on His glory.

This weekend was spent at our parents' home.  

We celebrated my sweet sister-in-law Britta's birthday.

  We played new games, watched old home videos, and ventured through the first snow 

for birthday coffee and dinner.

  Such a fun and restful time! 

His Creation

{source}

This afternoon we were surprised with the first snow of the season.

Fluffy white flakes fell softly from a gray sky.

It was perfect weather for taking a family Christmas photo.

Thanks God for the change of seasons and how your glory is proclaimed in them all.

"The heavens declare the glory of God; 

the skies proclaim the work of His hands"

-Psalm 19:1


for the entire "Heart of Thanks" challenge go here

marriage

I am thankful for marriage; for my husband Josh.

For the way he looks at me.  Still.  

For forgiving me when I don't deserve it.

For his thoughtfulness shown in notes, cleaning the kitchen, or special surprise dates. 

For being the best papa to our little Earnest.

And for displaying the splendor of Jesus in his servant-hearted ways.

Thank you LORD for him.

family

so thankful for them

this home

{source}

Thank you Jesus for our sunny yellow kitchen

filled with laughter and the smells of good things baking.

Thank you for a warm living room with the floral sofa

and always enough seating for friends.

Thank you for the laundry room where

little clothes hang on the drying rack.

Thank you for the husband that remodeled

EVERYTHING.

Thank you for the love that overflows.

His ways

"For consider your calling, brothers:

 not many of you were wise according to worldly standards,

 not many were powerful, not many were of noble birth.

  But God chose what is foolish in the world to shame the wise;

 God chose what is weak in the world to shame the strong;

 God chose what is low and despised in the world, 

even things that are not, to bring to nothing things that are,

 so that no human being might boast in the presence of God.  

And because of him you are in Christ Jesus, 

who became to us wisdom from God,

righteousness and

 sanctification and redemption,"

-1 Corinthians 1:26-30

Father, thank you for your wise, upside-down ways.  Thank you that you use simple, small, weak people to accomplish your purposes.  

a friend

Meet Amber.  Wife, mama, and dear friend.  

Amber and I met in college while studying education.  

We hit it off instantly in Spanish class!  

I have fond memories of ice cream outings, 

double dates and watching football with our husbands.

She was one of my first friends to become a mom.

I loved dreaming with her about her little one.  

Amber and her family moved away a few years back 

but we still keep in touch.  

Amber is one of the most thoughtful people I know.  

She often sends cards, text messages, or voicemails 

"just because" and to let me know she cares 

and is thinking of me.  She's also very good

at remembering special occasions. 

  

I'm so thankful to God for this family.  

Amber has taught me about motherhood 

and about being a woman who trusts God 

with the big things and the little things. 

Thanks God for Amber.

P.s. Happy Birthday Amber!  

Wish I could be there to celebrate with you! :)

this day

Today was spent at home...the first Sunday in awhile.  

It was lovely.  

We cleaned, we cooked, we finished projects. 

Here is one of my completed creations:

(my sister's Christmas gift...last year)

We went on a walk.  

A long, refreshing, 

leaves crunching beneath your feet, 

stopping for a coffee kind of walk.  

We listened to a sermon.  

We enjoyed each others company.  

We are thankful for this day.

Thanks Jesus for days like these.

"This is the day that the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it"

-Psalm 118:24


click here for the entire "Heart of Thanks" challenge